The Telemarketer From Hell
by Yori Hayashi
Summary: The Sohma's and Tohru area called by annoying telemarketers. Rated T, just in case some people consider this use of the word as cussing. Contains a few spoilers. There will be a sequel!
1. Kyo

**Yori is back with a new comedy fiction! This one is based on my family's dislike for those annoying telemarketers! They call at all the wrong times, don't they!? So, I've come up with this little shenanigan! In each chapter, another Sohma will be called by a telemarketer! And… Tohru will, too. **

**Here are the spoilers that you will need to know to understand some of the parts in this story:**

**Tohru and Kyo get together.**

**Akito is a woman and ends up with Shigure.**

**If I'm leaving any out, they will be stated later, in that character's chapter.**

**Yori: I do not own Fruits Basket, but I do own… O.O Never mind…**

**Hyper Rabbit: I'm baaaack!**

**Yori: (Knocks him out) No one cares. First up is…**

**(Hyper Rabbit wakes up)**

**Hyper Rabbit: You won't get rid of me so easily!**

**Yori: (Hits him twelve times) Kyo.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

The phone rang around six times before anyone answered it. Kyo picked it up and said in an annoyed tone, "Hello?"

"Hello, sir," said the voice on the phone. "Would you be interested in buying some-"

"No, thank you." Kyo interrupted. He hung up the phone and started to walk away. The phone started ringing again. "What now?" He growled. "We really need Caller I.D."

He picked it up again.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just want to know if you would like some-"

"NOT ON YOUR LIFE!" Kyo slammed the phone down this time. "I'm gonna go get on the chat room…"

Bad idea.

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Year of the Cat** has just logged on.

**Year of the Cat**: Is anyone here?

**Hott Dude**: Just me.

**Year of the Cat**: Who're you?

**Hott Dude**: Would you like to buy some lingerie?

**Year of the Cat**: What!? Have you been stalking me, you freak!?

**Hott Dude**: Maybe.

**Year of the Cat**: Who are you!?

**Hott Dude**: The name's Satan. Now, would you like to buy some or not!?

**Year of the Cat** has just logged off.

**Hott Dude**: …What's his problem!?

Kyo sat at the desk and stared at his computer. "His name is… He's selling lingerie to a guy…"

Tohru passed by his room and looked in. "Are you okay?"

Kyo looked at her with big eyes. She added, "Kyo-Kun, you look like you've seen a ghost! What happened?"

He turned back to the computer and put his forehead down on the desk. "I'm being stalked by the telemarketer from hell."

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Yori: These are gonna be some short chapters… Maybe I'll be able to get more than one up today! **

**HR: That was kind of… scary…**

**Yori: You know what's twice as scary?**

**HR: What?**

**Yori: One day, my friends and I were at a theme park, and this really obese, old lady walked by in a bikini. It was very gross. I will never, ever wear a bikini after seeing that. (Goes into shock) (A/N: True story…)**

**HR: …Wow, that is scary sounding… Why was an elderly woman wearing a bikini for in the first place!? Yori?**

**Yori: (Still in shock)**

**HR: …I guess I'll have to write the next chapter…**

**Yori: (Snaps out of shock long enough to kill HR)**

**(Aya comes into the picture)**

**Aya: …Thank you for reading…? (Not sure what to do) Um… the next tortured character will be Akito Sohma.**


	2. Akito

Welcome to the second chapter of _The Telemarketer from Hell!_ I'm Yori Hayashi, and for this chapter, I've chosen Akito to be the next victim! I hope you all enjoy her torture! I know I will, even though I don't hate her as a character…

Disclaimer: Yori doesn't own Fruits Basket. If she did, the characters would be dead by the end of it!

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Akito sat by the window of her room, moping. She heard the phone ring from the other side of the room, and stood up slowly to answer it. She was upset with it for breaking her train of thought, though. "Hello?"

When the person on the other phone line "spoke", she was shocked at what she heard. "Ooh-ee!"

"What in the world!?" Akito held the phone away from her ears. The caller was awfully loud, and she wasn't in the mood for any monkey business. "Who is this!?"

"OOH-EE! OOH-EE-A-A!" The caller said in a louder voice. "EE-EE!" Akito heard banging from the other side, and then another screech.

"Is this Ritsu!?" She yelled. _No, it can't be him… he's too shy. But, who else-_

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" said the annoying caller. She was almost blown back by the noise. Akito heard more banging, and was about to hang up when-

A man started to speak. "I'm sorry about this, Sohma-san. Ah, I was just wondering if… Well, you see, this monkey needs a home, and-"

"No."

The man stopped speaking at the cold voice. "Wha-"

"I SAID NO, YOU STUPID FOOL! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS WOULD BUY SOMETHING THAT LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS!?" With that, she slammed the phone down.

"Ah, Akito-san…" Said the squeaky voice of her maid.

She turned on her maid. "What?" Akito snapped with her teeth bared.

Her maid suddenly became very scared. "Who was that on the phone? Was that person bothering you?"

Akito sat back down in the window. "When they call back, trace the call, and then call the exterminator."

"Oh." The maid sighed. "It was really that bad, huh?"

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

I'm ashamed… This chapter was fairly uneventful… Oh well, I had fun writing it anyways! For the future chapters, the person tortured will be decided by drawing a name out of a hat! I hope you enjoyed this one! Please review!


	3. Kagura

Welcome to chapter THREE of _TFH! _These chapters are going by really quickly, but as long as readers enjoy them, I don't care! I hope you all enjoy this one, too! I'm trying to play to the weaknesses of the characters!

Disclaimer: I don't own this RA FORSAKEN MANGA/ANIME! I wish I did, but, oh well… I own about five of my own story lines… They aren't published works, but maybe someday…

I drew a name out of a bowl to see who would be this chapter's chosen victim! And the victim is…

Kagura Sohma, the Kyo-loving boar!

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

At Kazuma's dojo, Kagura was training her martial arts. She was having a bit of trouble doing her kicks. Then she heard the phone ring. She thought that Kazuma was going to get it, but when it rang about five times, she gave up hope and went to answer it herself.

"Yes, who is this?" She asked.

"Hello, is this Kagura Sohma?" asked the caller in a soft voice. "I have something to sell to her, and I think she might really like it."

Kagura pondered who might call at the dojo to sell something specifically to her. "Yes, this is Kagura. What are you selling?" She hoped it wasn't something totally stupid.

"I am selling some pictures and voodoo dolls of Kyo Sohma," said the woman's voice in a perkier form. "We have plush dolls, wooden dolls, and we've been spying on him for the past week! We have the most wonderful pictures!"

Kagura almost felt like dancing. "OOH! That's so nice! But, I have one question. You see…" she lowered her voice so that no outsiders of the conversation would hear, "I would like to know who the seller is… Just in case Kyo thinks I was stalking him!"

There was a pause on the other line. "…I'm… Uh… Kyo's… Long lost twin sister. Yeah… We were separated at birth, and I don't want to scare him after all this time… so… I stalk him instead. I'm a bit of a coward…" The caller laughed.

Kagura was too happy about the merchandise to notice the obvious lie. "Wow! A long-lost twin? So, how much is the merchandise, and how will it be transported to me? I can't wait to get it!"

There was a dial tone from the other side.

"…Hello?" Kagura whimpered. She cried out, "WHY DOES KYO KEEP ESCAPING MY CLUTCHES!? I'LL GET MY KITTY, YET!"

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

Woo, this one was extra short! I can't believe how short this one was! It doesn't matter, I guess. It serves its purpose, I think! I would very much appreciate it if all readers would review! I love those little pieces of criticism and comments! Lovely little things, aren't they?


	4. Hiro

Kon'nichiwa and oyogimashoo! Ahaha! Well, alright… The second one means, "let's swim", but it's raining, so I find it very fitting! I hope you all enjoy my fourth chapter, and I'll try to make this one a bit longer than the rest. The others are so short… But, there's not much more you can do and still stay on topic… But, I'll try!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket. If I did, Hiro would have to go… He annoys me so bad…

Speaking of annoying sheep, I drew a name out of the evil bowl again, and so, Hiro is our victim! I hope you all like sheep guts!

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

Hiro just got home from school and the phone was already ringing. His mom was busy, so he had to answer it this time. The young boy trudged over to the phone and rolled his eyes. Was it to much to ask to relax after school?

The caller spoke first after he picked it up. "Moshimoshi! We have an offer you can't refuse!"

Before the caller was able to finish it's ranting, Hiro said, "Look, my mom is busy, so if you want to sell your junk, call back later. What are you, some kind of idiot? What makes you think that I would be able to buy any of your merchandise? I'm a kid who's too young to get a job. Only an idiot would try to sell merchandise over the phone to a kid. What do you expect me to do?"

"Um…" The telemarketer was at a loss for words.

"What? You are a telemarketer, right? So you're supposed to know what to say! See, you're already failing at your job! Even a monkey could do this job! (A/N: You have no idea…) All you have to do is rehearse what you're going to say, and you need to be ready for anything that the customer might come up with."

The caller was in tears by now. "But… Mr. Sohma-"

"You know my name?" Hiro interrupted again. "What are you, some kind of stalker? You telemarketers are so weird. It's shameful. Seriously, what are you thinking that you're going to gain by annoying people? Are you going to annoy people to where they have to buy your products? That's called blackmail, you idiot, and it's against the law. You people are despicable."

"Sir," said the telemarketer, "I just want to know if you would like to buy some of our sheep guts! They're always very fresh, sir!"

Now Hiro was at a loss for words. _These people are selling… sheep guts? _

"I very strongly suggest that you buy some, sir! They're very useful indeed! And, they are imported straight from New Zealand!" she said in a much happier voice. "And if you accept our offer, we'll even throw in some wool!"

Hiro, the one who always knew what to say… didn't know what to say. He was cursed with the spirit of the sheep, and this woman was trying to sell him SHEEP GUTS. What kind of cannibal did she think he was? The sikko.

After a few minutes of her babbling, he finally knew what to say. "Look, you simpleton," seethed the sharp-witted boy, "you can't call someone and ask if they want to buy meat. For one, it might rot before it got to them, and second, what if they were a vegetarian!? Are you _trying _to offend the entire world!? What if I was an animal rights activist!? Huh? What do you think I would have said? You would be in for a world of insults. Don't you have enough brains to know that you can't call strangers up to buy something like meat!? You're sick."

"…Where do you get these ideas? For a kid-"

"Anyone with a brain could understand where I get these ideas. Monkeys have more brains than you. And that's not the worst of it. Even that Honda girl could beat you at a mind game! I thought that the monkey was bad, but you're so stupid that Tohru beats your smarts. And didn't I already say that I didn't want what you're selling? Why haven't you hung up yet? Some people have lives, you know. I don't like talking on phones, in case you haven't noticed. I would like to relax, and here you are, babbling away and taking up my precious time!"

Now the telemarketer was getting mad. "You're the one babbling, not me! I just wanted to know if you wanted any merchandise!"

"And just because you asked, does that mean I have to answer?" Hiro snapped. "I can do what I want! You aren't the boss of me, so why should I listen to you?"

"Will you shut up!?" Yelled the now furious caller.

"How many times am I going to have to explain before you understand that I don't want to buy your merchandise? And my mom's busy, so-"

"Well, ask her later, then!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Yes"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"I agree. You are stupid."

"Yes," said the telemarketer in a triumphant tone. "I knew that we would be able to come to an agreeme- hey! You take that back, you stupid brat!"

BEEP!

Now there was a woman speaking from Hiro's line. _I'm sorry; this call has been ended due to a time limit. Please try again later._

"Grr…" she said. "No way am I calling back there again… My phone bill can't afford a prank call back to that house…"

And so, Hiro's house has been saved from telemarketers, due to his excessive talking issues.

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

I laughed so hard while writing this! I hope you all enjoyed it as much as much as I did! This is my favorite chapter so far! Please review! I would like an answer to this question, though… who do you think was the real victim? The prank caller or Hiro?


	5. Shigure

I can't link up to the 'net because of the storm, so I'm just going to work on this next chapter! This one is going by extra fast… And after this, I will continue my work on Furuba Fight! I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba. If I did, mom and dad would be ashamed, due to the fact that he is a preacher, and there is cussing and perverted jokes in the story… But I still love it!

This chapter's victim will be everyone's favorite dog, SHIGURE SOHMA!

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

Shigure was working on his manuscript, (or, that's what he told his editor…) and the house was totally empty. Lucky him- he didn't have to worry about anyone thinking he was a pervert after this next call.

The phone beside him rang once before he answered it. "Hello?" He said.

"Hello, sir! This is Teresa, from the Love Ya Lingerie store."

"Hey… aren't you the same people who called Kyo Sohma? He got a call offering lingerie just a few days ago."

The woman laughed heartily. "Sir, that man was my boss! He owns the store."

"Your boss is a man? That's mildly creepy…" he said. _Yet, _he thought to himself, _he's one lucky man… I wish I owned a store like that!_

"So," said the lady, "would you like to hear about our prices, sir?"

He scratched his chin. He wasn't really sure what he would do with it when he bought it. The only thing he knew of was playing pranks… Then an idea shot through his head. _I'll buy some for Akito!_

"Yes, I would like to hear some prices!" he proclaimed proudly.

The woman laughed again. "Superb! Sir, you will be very happy to know that all of our prices are extremely fair! You can get a set of underwear with bunny ears for just twenty dollars!"

The sly dog smiled flirtatiously. "So… how much for three sets?"

Two days later…

Shigure had bought five sets for Akito, and two for Tohru (he really wants to get beat up…). When he brought the boxes into the house, Kyo couldn't help but ask what he was up to.

"Oh, nothing!" Shigure answered. Kyo knew that he was lying, though, and wouldn't let the sukebe (pervert) out of his sight. After a few hours, Shigure said to him, "Look, why can't you just trust me? So, I seem suspicious sometimes, but is that really any reason to judge me? Have I ever done you wrong?"

Kyo crossed his arms and plopped to the floor. "I can think of a few moments… If you're thinking of giving Tohru any of that sick lingerie, you've got another thing coming, freak."

The imbecile was utterly shocked. "How did you know that's what I bought!?"

Kyo gave a long and heavy sigh. "It says so on the box, you dimwit. Don't you have any brains at all?"

"Why yes!" Shigure smiled again and put his hands on his hips. "I keep it in a jar, and put the jar in a safe! With the brain, I had no room in my head for the important stuff!"

Kyo looked him up and down in a detecting manner. "And that important stuff would be- let me guess- the pictures in a playboy magazine?"

A big smile from Shigure confirmed all of Kyo's suspicions. Shigure said, "I bought some for Tohru, too!" Kyo gave him a nasty look. "But, of course, I'll just give it to someone else! I'm sure Akito could use more," added the novelist in an attempt to save his sorry butt.

Kyo huffed and left Shigure, satisfied with the conclusion of the discussion.

A few hours later, around noon…

Shigure arrived at the main house, with the "presents" all wrapped up. He pressed the entrance button, stated that he needed to speak with Akito, and they let him in.

When he reached Akito's room, about five minutes later, he handed her the gift box, and she looked at him warily. "This better not be anything stupid, Shigure." She said with annoyance apparent in her eyes.

He waved his arms in front of his face. "Of course it isn't, Akito-san! Why would I buy you something that wasn't useful to you?"

She smiled, but her eyes still looked unbelieving. So, of course she wasn't totally shocked to see that the sick dog had bought her lingerie.

That night, he made a trip to the emergency room.

O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O

Yay! Chapter five is done! Though, chapter four is still my personal favorite… Man, I wanna do Hatori's chapter so bad, but… I'm going to wait until I draw his name out of the bowl… (sigh) Anyways, please review!


	6. Kyo's Dad

**I went** **to my email today and was amazed at how many reviews I had to respond to! I mean, it was only around five or so, but for a fairly new story from a writer that isn't well known, I think that's pretty good! I appreciate all the reviews, everyone! **

**Unfortunatly, I don't own fruits basket. But I own a couple of Kyoru fan arts!**

**The victim for this chapter is the much hated father of Kyo Sohma! May Satan take his soul! O.O Never mind. You didn't hear that from me… Does his dad have a name? …Ehehehe…**

_O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O_

Kyo's father started going back to work again after Kyo's last visit. He had just started smoking his cigarettes when the blasted phone rang. He growled and threw the cigarette into the ashtray. He walked over to the phone and answered it. "Who's calling?"

The caller said, "Good evening, sir. My name is Layla Stawkar. (No pun intended… or is there?) I am selling merchandise from the pet shop. Would you like to buy anything?"

The evil man smirked and coughed from the cigarette smoke. "Heh. Are there any muzzles at this shop? I know a cat that needs to be shut up."

"Sir, we don't sell muzzles. I'm sorry. But we do have the cutest little orange kitties! Their eyes are copper, and they are very spunky little creatures!"

He choked at the woman's description. "No way! Kill 'em all, for all I care."

"Sir!" She gasped at his rude words. "How could you say that about the poor little kittens?" she tried to get the conversation to go in another direction. "We also have little zodiac ornaments of the cat! They are all colored orange-"

"I don't want any of your stupid cat merchandise!"

"…Do you not like cats, sir?" she squeaked.

He laughed, and before hanging up the phone, shouted, "I hate those dumb animals." He slammed down the phone in a rage and went back to pouting with his drugs. "They make me sick, the whole lot of 'em."

Mr. Dummyhead, are you sure that the cigarette smoke isn't what's making you sick?"

_O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O_

**I pictured this one to be a lot funnier, but… The thought of Kyo's poor relationship with his father drove me to write the only serious chapter of this story! I hope everyone liked it nonetheless! The next chapter will be funny!**


	7. Kazuma

**Welcome to chapter seven of **_**The Telemarketer from Hell! **_**I wonder how many chapters I'll get done today? I hope at least three, but…**

**I don't own the best show on earth! I wish I did, but it's a faraway dream!**

**Mom took away the evil bowl, so now I have to draw from the evil PLASTIC BAG of doom. And so the victim is…**

**Kazuma Sohma (Kyo's shishou)**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

"Alright, everyone! That's enough for today!" said Kazuma to his class. They all left the dojo and he went to rest in the livingroom. He had just gotten settled when the phone rang. He went to answer it. "Hello?"

A man with a really high voice spoke on the other line. "Good morn- I mean Afternoon! I have just the best offer for you, sir!"

The dojo master huffed under his breath. "I'm sorry, but I really don't want to buy anything."

The man ignored him and kept speaking. "We're selling My Big, Dumb Horsy dolls and coloring books! These wonderful-"

"Sir-"

"Products are-"

"I don't want your-"

"The perfect gift for your wife or child."

"Merchandise."

"What about merchandise?" Asked the man, who didn't hear a word that Kazuma said.

"I don't want any."

"Don't want any what?"

"I don't want any of your merchandise. I don't have a wife or kid."

"Why aren't you married?"

"I don't want to be right now!" Growled Kazuma.

"That's a stupid reason."

"What's so stupid about it?!"

"What's so stupid about what?"

"What's so stupid about not being married?"

"You aren't married?"

"No, I'm not married!"

"Why?"

"I already told you!"

"Well, tell me again!"

"No! I won't tell you more than once!"

"Sir, I have the strangest inkling that you're getting upset about something."

"Yes, I am!"

"What's wrong?"

Kazuma growled again. This man was getting on his last nerve. "Are YOU married?" He asked. If the weird man said yes, he would be beyond surprised.

"No, sir. I'm not married. I don't believe in getting married."

"But- you just got onto me for not being married!"

"No, I did not. I think marriage is stupid."

"Marriage is not stupid!"

"Wait, sorry. What's not stupid?"

"MARRIAGE!"

"What's marriage?"

"…"

"Excuse me?"

"…Beep!"

"Aw, fish cakes!"

And as you see, young grasshopper, horsy dolls will only bring you misfortune. Penguin dolls, on the other hand…

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Haha, this chapter was fun to write, but it definitely was not the best. It lacked something, but… I think it'll be fine. Review, please! **


	8. Rin

**Wow, I'm actually on chapter eight of my story! It's kinda hard to believe… I've never gotten this far in a fic before… anyways, read and review!**

**I DON'T OWN THE SHOW, YOU FOOLS! J/k**

**This chapter's victim is none other than the beautiful Rin Sohma! (No, I'm not gay.)**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

It was late at night, and Rin was having trouble sleeping. Her cell phone rang and she answered it, but she was angry because it broke her train of thought. _Who calls this late at night? _She thought to herself.

"Hello? What do you want, Haru?" she said, assuming it was the perverted cow.

Her assumptions were wrong. "I'm not Haru. Actually, I'm calling about your horse problem." Said a man.

"What horse problem!?" she almost yelled.

"I hear you have a horse on the premises, and that you are keeping it in the house. Ma'm, I need to tell you that what you are doing is unsanitary. Does it at least have shoes?"

Rin was dumbfounded. She may have been a horse, but she wasn't a real one! Who told him that they had a horse? "Sir, I think you may have a wrong number. We don't have a stupid horse."

"Would you like to buy some horse shoes, anyway?" the man inquired. "They're state of the art, and in perfect condition! Perfect for a horse problem like your own!"

Rin sighed and shook her head. The nerve of some people. "Look, we don't have a horse, and we don't want your horse shoes!"

She heard a growl and then the man hung up.

She growled, too. "It's about time." After a few minutes, she was finally able to find her train of thought when the phone rang again. She picked it up and said, "What, now?"

"Hello, would you like to buy a horse?" said a woman.

"NO! I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR STINKING HORSE SUPPLIES! STOP CALLING ME!" Calming down a bit, she added, "We have no place to keep a stupid horse, so-"

"Then where do you sleep?" Asked the woman in a rude tone.

Rin couldn't believe her ears. "Excuse me!? I know that you did not just call me a horse! Do you want to start something with me?"

"No, dear." The woman laughed. "I never called you a horse. I called you a _hor-_se."

Rin couldn't stand to hear another word out of the insufferable woman. Fuming, she shut off the phone and threw it across the room. She stomped around a bit before returning to her bed, muttering things that won't be mentioned in this fanfiction.

She never found her train of thought. But now that the curse was broken, she was thinking about how to break something else.

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**I can't help but feel that the real victim in this chapter was the phone… Oh, well! I hope everyone enjoyed it! Sorry if Rin was out of character… I don't actually have any volumes with her in it… I've only read about her… Ehehehehe… please review!**


	9. Hatori

**Hello, readers! I appreciate all the reviews that you all have been sending! I love answering all of them! Thank you for all the support, and I hope that you enjoy this new chapter.**

**I don't own Fruits Basket. If I did, well, I might not be writing this junk. Lol.**

**The victim for this chapter is- Hatori! Everyone repeat after me! Is there a doctor in the house? No, but there's one in the fanfiction! (Crickets) …Yeah, never mind me.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Hatori was very busy on this rainy day, because everyone seemed to be getting colds. Not to mention, the fact that his phone didn't have caller I.D. wasn't helping; almost every call was from a telemarketer.

He was fed up with the one that was calling at present. "Ma'm, my final answer is no. Goodbye!" He sighed and sat down in his chair. He wasn't getting a moment of rest, and he had been up the entire previous night taking care of Akito's cold.

The phone rang again. He was so annoyed that he didn't even answer it. That was a really bad mistake.

**At Shigure's house…**

Tohru sighed and hung up the phone. _Maybe he's out? _Turning to Yuki and Kyo, who both had high fevers, she said, "He isn't picking up. We'll have to wait a bit longer…"

Kyo was on the verge of screaming- and he did. "AUGH! I know he's busy, but seriously! How long can a guy's phone line be closed!?"

**Back to Hatori…**

The phone rang over and over again. _Why won't those dumb telemarketers just give up already? _He decided to give those jerks a piece of his mind. On the fifth ring, he picked up the phone.

On the other line, a woman said, "Hello, Hatori! Would you-"

"I'm not interested, got it!? Stop calling and leave me alone!" He said, almost yelling. He slammed the phone down in anger and waited for someone to call him that actually mattered.

Like his girlfriend, Mayu, perhaps?

**At Mayu's house…**

Mayu couldn't believe her ears. Hatori had just told her to leave him alone, and then hung up on her!

With a clenched jaw, she said, "Hatori! I am sooo breaking up with you for this!"

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**I'm done! I've wanted to do his chapter sooo badly! I hope you all enjoyed it! Thank you for reading, and please review!**


	10. Ritsu

**Hey, all! This fanfiction only has a few more chapters to go! Well, I just finished **_**Furuba Fight**_** a couple of days ago, and now I can get back to finishing this one. Speaking of which, if you all want to see Shigure wreck his own house, then you need to check out that story! **

**Alright, I'll tell the truth… I lost the evil bag- along with the names… So, instead I chose a name out of the evil mind of the penguin lord! Our victim is… Rit-chan Sohma! Of course, he's a victim in any sense of the word, so… but I must warn you that there is no hell-borne telemarketer- just a grandmother.**

**Disclaimer: How many times am I going to have to tell you all that I don't own this show? I mean, seriously!?**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

On Ritsu's way home from the grocery store, he had dropped an entire bag of apples on a poor kitten's head. He wouldn't stop apologizing, and after a while, a telemarketer had called him on his cell phone, and he started apologizing for taking up his cell phone minutes, saying that he would buy anything to gain the telemarketer's forgiveness.

The scared-out-of-his-wits telemarketer hung up after about ten seconds.

Ritsu hung his head in shame as he picked up the apples that he had previously dropped. In the middle of his clean-up job, his phone began to chime again. His ring tone began to play, and he started fiddling for his phone. The monkey's hands were shaking so hard, that by the time he finally got a hold on the tiny phone, the answering machine started playing.

"_**I'M SOOOO SORRY THAT I WAS LATE GETTING TO THE PHONE! PLEASE FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING! JUST PLEASE, PLEASE-" **_

Ritsu pressed the caller button to answer the phone. "Hello? I'm sorry about that wait. I-"

"You're still acting like an idiot, Ritsu? Have some pride!" said a bossy voice.

Ritsu was taken aback by the cold words, but did his best not to start apologizing. "I- Um… Wh-who is this?" he couldn't quite find the right words to say, but anything was better for HIM to say than, "I'M SOOOOOORRRRYYYYY!"

"How pathetic; you don't remember your own grandmother? Can't you put a little work into remembering family matters!? You should be very ashamed, young man." She huffed loudly to show dislike.

"I- I'm… Sorry, grandma…" Tears welled up in his eyes. "I d-didn't recognize your v-voice…" He wiped his eyes and sniffed, trying to keep from screaming.

"You big crybaby! How many times do you have to be told to toughen up!? You're a shame to the entire Sohma family! You didn't even come to your family picnic today!"

"There was a… picnic…?" Ritsu gasped. He put a hand to his mouth and quickly got his planner out of his pocket. Looking through it, he realized that he had forgotten to write the date down.

"Yes, there was a picnic, and you missed it! Why else would _I_ call _you_?? There would be no reason, now would there?"

"I'm sor-"

"Sorry won't cover it, young man. I want a very big apology, and I want it right now."

He blinked. "Now? Over the phone? A-are you sure?"

"Yes! Now, give me a good apology, and then, when you get back to the main house, I want you to apologize to Akito!"

He was now shaking. He didn't want to have to face the head of the family about such a matter. He knew that he was in for it. Akito probably wouldn't want his apology, either. But… he didn't have much of a choice.

"Alright… "

There was silence on both lines for a few moments, but his grandmother almost had a heart attack when he screeched, "I'M SO SORRY, GRANDMOTHER! I DON'T DESERVE TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS ALL THE RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE SUCH AS YOU! I'M A WORM! A DISGRACE TO THE ENTIRE FAMILY! I DESERVE TO DIE FOR MY SINS! I'M SORRY FOR EMBARASSING MY FAMILY! I'M SOOOOOO SORRYYYYYY!"

Beep!

Ritsu looked at his phone. His grandmother had hung up on him already. He shook his head and began picking up the rest of the dropped apples.

Later, after Ritsu apologized to Akito in his own way, Akito asked one of her maids if they had already destroyed the cat's confinement room.

"No, ma'am, we haven't," answered the maid with a quirked eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

Akito shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I want Ritsu's grandmother to be put into confinement."

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Hehe! I only have three words to say for this chapter… That was fun!**

**Oh, and I looked at how many people have read this story, and… Well, it was around six or seven hundred. I would appreciate it if more of those people took time to review. If we take time to write stories, ya'll can take time to review! I reply to all of them, as the people who do review know, so could everyone please just leave a little criticism, comments, or something? The point is to write stories for people to enjoy and critique and we don't know that you all like or dislike it if you don't review! So please leave one! Domo arigoto gozaimas!**

**-Yori Hayashi**

**P.S. I'M SORRY FOR THE BORING LECTURE! PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEE!!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO ANNOY ANYONE! I DON'T DESERVE YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS! I'M SORRY FOR BEING SELFISH!**

**(Hyper rabbit cuts her off by putting a gag in her mouth.)**


	11. Kureno

**Kon'nichiwa! I was at camp for a week, but I am now at home to write! …For the time being, anyways… Let me see, this is chapter eleven, which means that we have about… three more to go? Yeah, about there. Well, I really hope that more of you will take the time to review. Thanks, all of you that did! **

**Disclaimer: As Kyo said to Shishou, "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride." I don't own Furuba. But I own the Dr. Pepper Company! …No, I unfortunately do not own that, either… Ehehe…**

**The victim is… (Hint) Everyone try a chicken wing! (don't own that phrase… Hannah Montana- Jackson Stewart) Do you get it? Our victim for this chapter is none other than Kureno Sohma! I feel that since I am year of the rooster, I should try to make this chapter extra good! I hope you all enjoy it! **

**P.S. I told you all my year, so try to figure out my age! I'm no older than twenty years of age, and my birthday was around three weeks ago.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Kureno was worn out. All day, he had been trying to get a hold of Uotani, who was out shopping for groceries. He prayed that she would call him back soon, but, alas, his prayers didn't seem to be working.

He heard the phone ring. It took him by great surprise, even though he had been half-suspecting a call. He hoped that it was from Uo.

Picking up the phone, he took in a deep breath and said, "Hello, this is Kureno Sohma. Is this Uotani?"

"Naw, sir," Said a man with a hick accent. "I done wanna make yous a good deal on friiiied chicken! Made 'specially outta roosters! They is just plain out yummy!"

Kureno's eyes bulged out. "…Rooster? You cook with rooster?"

The man let out a very annoying laugh that was so loud, it made Kureno think that his eardrum was going to burst. "Yes, sir! It tastes much better than the fried chicken, and, hey what's the difference? They's both on a farm? What do care? You ain't no rooster!"

'_Not anymore, but I'd still feel like a cannibal…' _He tried to regain his composure (even though he was only speaking over the phone) and hesaid to the man,"Sir, I'm not interested in buying your junk food."

The loud caller let out a gasp to show that he was very offended at Kureno's words. "How could you say that!? Rooster ain't junk food! It's a gift! I'll show you some real junk food! You just wait, mister, I'll get you!"

The man hung up, and Kureno let out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad that's over…"

"What's over, Kureno?"

Kureno turned his head to the side and saw Uo standing next to him with her eyebrows cocked in suspicion. "Who was that on the phone?"

"It was nobody but a telemarketer." Kureno answered softly. "I think I made him angry, though. He was selling 'fried rooster', and I said that I didn't want any of his junk food… Then, before hanging up, he said that he would show me real junk food." He laughed at the thought. "I don't know what he thinks he's going to do, but I'm not going to take my time to worry about it."

Uo shook her head in an annoyed fashion and rolled her eyes. "Men…" she breathed. The young girl thrust some groceries into Kureno's arms, and walked off to her room, muttering about how dumb Kureno could be.

Kureno laughed at her antics, and peacefully started to dial her number again, only to realize that she was already home. He muttered, "Wow, I really am dumb…" he stood up to go to her room and talk to her, only to trip on the air surrounding him. "Graah!"

Uo waltzed back into the study with an arrogant face. "You can't go anywhere without making mistakes, can you?"

"And you're saying that you can?"

She laughed. "Touché."

There was a knock at the front door. Uo jumped a little out of surprise, and tapped her foot, trying to decide whether to help Kureno off the floor, or to answer the door.

Kureno, reading into her expression, said, "Go answer it. I can get up on my own. I'm not a three-year-old anymore."

She nodded and quickly left to answer the door. He attempted to get up, only to fall again. On the third try, he successfully stood up and followed Uo. Before he reached her, she looked back at him and went towards him, when they reached each other, she whispered to him, "There's some man with garbage bags at the door. He says he wants to speak with you about something?"

"Eh?"

Kureno went to the open door and saw the man that Uo had described to him. He was wearing large overalls with no shirt under it, a dirty hat, and it seemed like he had forgotten to shave that morning.

"Are you the man from earlier?" Kureno asked.

"Indeed I am," said the man with a sickly grin. "I told you I'd come, did I not?"

"Kureno, who is this weirdo?" Uo inquired from right behind him. She looked him up and down. "Why are you here, dressed like THAT?" She sneered, disgusted.

"I'm just here to give this guy a piece of my mind! No one talks about my roosters like that. I'm here to give yous some _real_ junk food!"

Three more men came up behind him, each carrying a large, bulging trash bag. They were all dressed as poorly as the first man. Kureno told Uo to step back, and when she followed his orders, the first man commanded, "Let 'em have it!"

Kureno's eyes went very wide at this order, as he finally realized what they were doing. Before he had time to run, he was engulfed in a mountain of trash, mainly consisting of rotten food.

He closed his mouth soon enough so he wouldn't get any food in his mouth. Uo gasped in shock and rushed back to Kureno, and tried to dig some of the trash off of him. She had a right mind to call the authorities, but when she looked up again, the men were already gone.

Kureno and Uo grabbed their noses at the terrible stench of the rotting food, and Uo said, "Just so you know, I won't be kissing you for a couple of days after this little incident."

Kureno nodded. "I suppose I can accept that…"

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**That was a lot of fun to write! Hehe… I sure would hate to have all of that trash dumped on me, though… Now I feel a little guilty for hurting a fellow rooster… (Goes into a corner to mope)**

**I'm back, so, please review, everyone! Stay tuned for chapter twelve!**


	12. Ayame

**I must not be doing a very good job… I looked at the stats, and the amount of readers goes down every chapter… Ah, well. I like it, anyways; even if others may not. But, not to think that the reviews I've been getting aren't appreciated, because they most certainly are. Thank you, everyone! Three more chapters to go!**

**Disclaimer: This is a waste of typing space at this point, but it lengthens the page numbers, at least. Lol. I don't own Furuba.**

**My sister helped me decide on a victim for this chapter! And the chosen one is…**_** the ever so vain Ayame Sohma! **_**Enjoy, Ayame fans!**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

At the dress shop, Ayame and Mine had just finished fitting a dress onto a girl, who was trying to get a cute outfit for a date two days from present. She had chosen a light blue material, and was now having trouble deciding whether or not to get lace put on her dress.

"Ahaha! I think that you would look simply darling with lace on your dress! Why not spice it up a little?" Ayame bellowed proudly.

"Well," said the young girl, "I really wouldn't want to overdo it… He may feel a little… awkward." She fidgeted with the skirt a little. She really loved her dress, and she felt great, but she didn't want her date to find her unapproachable.

"Nonsense, young one! We'll just put on enough lace to dazzle! He won't be… whatever you just said." When the young girl nodded, the phone rang and Ayame left Mine to finish the fitting.

With a proud grin on his face, Ayame lifted the phone off of the receiver (that is what it's called, right?) and put it to his ear. "Hello, there? This is Ayame Sohma's dress shop, value from the heart! Would you like to make an appointment?"

It took the caller a moment to respond because she was so frazzled, but a few moments later, she answered, "No, sir, actually, I was calling to make **you** an offer, and I would love it if you would accept! You see, our company makes the most perfect mirrors, but almost no one buys them because they are so high priced. So, we'll be willing to give you a discount on one if you would do us the favor of spreading the word of our mirrors!"

"A Mirror…" Ayame scratched his chin. "I do love looking at myself, but I already have so many…"

"As I'm sure you do, sir," she silently looked to the floor in disgust at his vanity, but remained optimistic, knowing that if he already had so many, he could probably find room for at least one more. "But, you see, the mirrors that we sell are special! Each one has a song assigned to it, and when you look into it everyday, it will start to play that song! You fill out a form, and we decide which song fits your personality the best! What do you think?"

Ayame took longer to ponder the offer the second time. "A song that fits me… Why, there are so many songs about those beautiful people, how will you choose the one song that is good enough for me? Ahahahahahaha!"

"Eh… Well, we only pick out the songs that are considered to be some of the best, so I'm sure that we could find something that is fitting for your… um… air of… well, we can find something good enough, I'm sure!" Her eyebrows were now twitching at his vanity. _At least now I know why they insisted on selling the mirrors to THIS guy… _"Now, we also have round, oval, square and-"

"No need, ma'am! I will most certainly buy a mirror! For, who wouldn't want to walk in the shadow that is cast by accomplishments! After I buy one, business will be reeling in! I will expect this treasure no later than tomorrow afternoon!"

After saying his piece, Ayame hung the phone back up and went back into the fitting room to see what Mine had done.

The woman who had called was still pondering over what had just happened. "I would like to have it delivered, but… what about the shape and…"_ At least I know the personality type by now…_

The next day…

A knock at the door told Ayame that his mirror had finally arrived. He hopped out of his red chair and bounded over to the white, wooden door.

"Hello, ma'am! I am ready for my beautiful mirror!" he guffawed with one hand to his face.

The woman had her hair up in a tiny ponytail, and was wearing a brown suit with a knee-length skirt. She held up a form for Ayame to sign, and said, "You didn't tell us which shape you wanted over the phone. We had to look in the phone book to find your address…"

"Ah, yes! I do apologize for my little mishap!" He signed the form, and swiftly handed it back to the woman. "So, did you bring an oval mirror with you by any chance? I would like it to be a large one so I can see my entire self!"

_I'll bet all the money I have that that's the only kind that he has…_She put on a large smile. "Why, yes sir! We even have the songs in them already. All you have to do is choose a mirror!"

Ayame waltzed behind the truck to inspect their mirrors. He was in awe of some of the shapes, but stood by his decision to go with an oval shaped mirror.

"I hope you enjoy your mirror. They have a thirty-day warranty, just so you know!" she smiled and hopped back into the delivery truck. When the door to the passenger seat was closed, she said to her driver, "Step on it, before he hears the song."

The song…

'_You're so vain, you think this mirror is for you, don't you, you're so vain…'_

Mine sighed as Ayame started laughing. "Are you sure that you don't want a refund…?"

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Man, that was sooo dumb! Ah, well! I liked writing it! Ayame annoys me to death, yet he's one of my fav. characters, the way he's so… overly dramatic. Hey, snakes and roosters are compatible! Hehe… Well, stay tuned for the next chapter, and to all of my American friends, happy Fourth of July! **


	13. Haru

**Hello, everyone! I would like to thank Ichigo-2007 and PotoPerson for reviewing the last chapter! I made a mistake. There are FOUR more chapters, including this one; not three. I can't believe that I actually have forty-two reviews so far! I know that compared to some authors, that might seem pathetic, but I still appreciate it! Oh, but, I still want to know who likes it and who doesn't so, even if it's just one or two words, will those of you with accounts please leave a review!? What would be the point of posting it here if we don't know if anyone likes or hates it? Well, enough of that speech.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the show. What do I have to do, I mean, seriously!?**

**MOO! Haru is the victim! Down with Chik Fil A! J/K. Oh, my sister told me that's how to spell it. Is that right? I suppose that the internet might help… but, whatever.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Haru had just gotten out of the shower, and was changing for school. He put on his necklaces first, and then the rest of his punk attire. His white hair was still matted from the hot shower water, so he began to shake his head vigorously in order to get it to spike. After he was finally done roughing up his hair, he headed into the living room… where the cursed phone was…

As if on cue, the phone rang as soon as he entered the room. He looked at it with glazed eyes to show that he didn't care, but he didn't suppose that anyone else was going to get it. He trudged over to the phone and put it to his ear. "Hn? Who is this?"

"It's… I mean… Um…" A small voice said. It sounded like a little boy, or a very shy girl. "Sir, would you be interested in buying some magnets? It's for a good cause…"

"Oh?" Haru said.

He, being a pushover, was already considering it, but he wanted to know what kind they were first, so he asked, and the "girl" replied in the same small voice, "We're trying to raise money for this restaurant… you see, the family isn't making very much money, and we just want to help them get back on their way… So, we're selling different types of merchandise as advertisement."

"I have a few more questions…"

"Yes?"

"Are you a boy or a girl, for one?"

"Eh?" squeaked the caller. "Oh, I'm sorry! I must sound terribly like a little kid, don't I? I'm a girl… So, what's your next question…?"

"Is the restraunt any good?"

"Yes, it is… well, the food is, at least. The only problem is the waiter. He is absolutely terrible, but they won't fire him because no one else will want the job. Who would want to work at a place that makes no money?"

"I see. So, what kind of restraunt is this?"

"Of course you would ask that… They pride their selves on their wonderful burgers- made from only the best Angus beef! Unfortunatly, though, the waiter is so busy talking about how disgusting cows are that he doesn't get any work done…"

Snap!

"May I speak to the waiter? Is he there by any chance?" Haru asked through gritted teeth. (A/N: Three guesses what happened, right?) "I need to give him a little… speech right quick…"

"Erm… Yes… I'll just wake him up. Note that he will be in a very bad mood, though, so be careful…"

"I'm pretty sure that I can take it…"

A few minutes later…

"What do you want!? Can't a guy get any sleep around here!?"

"What's your problem, freak? You got a problem with cows? Huh?"

"Eh… yeah, I do. They're big, dumb, and smelly. Do _you _have a problem with that!?" He sneered.

"…Meet me at the front of the Sohma estate in one hour. I have something that a cow hater like you needs. I'll see you there?" Haru snickered in his head. _Oh, yeah. This is absolutely perfect for a hater like you._

"Pfft." The man spit. "I don't see why not. I know where the Sohma estate is- I'll be there!"

_Perfect…_

One hour later…

The waiter arrived at the assigned scene, but Haru was no where to be found. But- a few minutes later, he heard a loud rumbling coming from behind him.

Stop!

He looked over his shoulder; there were dozens of cows. _BIG COWS. _

"Ah…"

"They wanted to talk with you, personally about those snide remarks you made," said Haru from atop the wall surrounding the Sohma estate. "I thought it wrong to deal with you when they're so much more persuasive. I mean, compared to a stampede of cows, what damage can a boy do?"

"Y-you're mad!" barked the young waiter.

"Yeah, I think I ate meat from a cow with Mad Cow Disease…" Black Haru laughed. "Good luck with the angry mob, man." He hopped off of the top and back into the estate. The waiter looked in fear at the cows and they began their stampede once again.

All of the doctors and all of the nurses couldn't put the man back together again.

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**What did we learn from this? Absolutely nothing, I hope- this is not an educational fiction.**

**Hyper Rabbit: I learned that I am lucky to be a vegetarian, and I learned a new nursery rhyme!**

**Yes, well, I don't believe that this is a story that you want to repeat to young children, my friend. Ehe… Well R&R!**

On a more serious note, I know that I probably shouldn't bring my personal life into this, but I need help. You see, my boyfriend and I live in separate states, which I am fine with. He is my first boyfriend, he's been my best friend since the fifth grade, (we used to go to the same school) and we have been going out for six months. But, he has family problems and lives with his dad. His dad has problems, so he usually stays at a friends house, thus, we do not get to speak much. My parents really like him too, but… I have been having second thoughts. Should I wait for him or let it go? I love him, but this is just tearing me apart. Even if you don't review on the story, if you have any advice, please help me! I would go to an advice site, but I figure some writers would have a good romantic sense about them, right? And there are so many people reading this, according to the stats, so I would really appreciate your help!

**-Yori Hayashi**


	14. Momitchi

**Hi, reviewers! As you all know, I asked for help about my boyfriend situation, and I got some really good advice from some people. But, I followed the advice of ****The Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma****. She really helped me out of that situation, and also cheered me up a lot! I ended up breaking it off with him, but we are still great friends, and we are keeping in touch as much as is possible. Everyone has been great to me on this site, and I want you all to know that I really do appreciate the help. And I was also very happy when I went to my email and saw that I was flooded with reviews!!! Well, compared to how many I usually get, anyways… I'm very honored!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket, but I will soon own a copy of volume twelve! (I don't get them in order like my sister does. Lol. I like to look for the spoilers!)**

**The victim is… Momitchi (Momiji) Sohma and his army of Hyper Lollipops! Enjoy, Momitchi fans! And, Kyo will return in this chapter!**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Momitchi sat on his beanbag chair by the phone and hummed the tune to "Doki Doki Waku Waku" quietly. He licked his large rainbow colored lollipop and smiled at the sweet taste.

Then the phone rang.

He gave another large grin and picked up the yellow phone. "This is Momiji Sohma. Who's calling?"

"Hi, I'm Miki, and I'm from the Make You Hyper Candy Company! Would you binterested in buying some of our delicious candy? There are hundreds of different types and flavors!"

Momitchi perked up in his chair slightly. "Candy? What kind of lollipops do you have? I love eating lollipops!"

"Oh, do you? Well, we have many different flavors, from fruits to chocolate and vanilla! And we even have soda flavors!

Momitchi hopped out of his chair happily. "Oh, boy! I'll buy two of each kind you got!"

"I'm glad to hear that."

The next day at Shii-Chan's house…

It was pouring outside, and all Kyou wanted to do was sleep. But when Momitchi arrived, it didn't seem that he would have that chance, because a certain someone was presently _sugar high_!

Momitchi had received all of his candy that morning and had already eaten a third of it. And when he started a conversation with Tohru, he couldn't stay in the some spot long enough to finish it.

"IgotloadsofsugarandIthinkthatit'smakingmehighIloveit! TohrudoyouwantsomecandyIgotloadsofitwhereisKyo?" he rushed.

Tohru stood in front of Momitchi. She had only caught the last part, and before she got the chance to tell him where Kyo was, Momitchi was already halfway to his room.

"Kyooooooooo!!! KyoI'msugarhigh!!!!!" Momitchi screamed. Kyo, who was trying to ignore the ignoramus, took his pillow and stuffed it over his ears.

Momitchi took the pillow out of his hands and threw it out the open window. Kyo growled loudly and shook his fist in anger. "Levmealn." (Leave me alone) he murmured.

"Comeon, Kyooooooo!!! Let's go for a run!! Comeonnnnn!"

Kyo stood up slowly and Momitchi gave a loud and annoying cheer. The orange haired boy stood there in a daze while the blonde finally calmed down out of confusion. "Kyo?"

Kyo raised his hand slowly and hit Momitchi with a karate chop, just hard enough to knock him out. He smiled and said, "Good night to you, too."

Then he hit the floor and started to snore.

Tohru ran into the room to make sure that Momitchi was alright. When she saw that he was "peacefully sleeping" she thought, _Did he have a hangover?_ She laughed. _They sure have been getting along better, lately. Isn't that cute?_

Someone behind Tohru gave a loud growl and stomped into Kyo's room.

It was Yuki, holding the pillow.

"Just who thinks that it's funny to throw pillows into my vegetable garden? Kyo, wake up! I know this is yours!"

Kyo stood up again and took the pillow back from Yuki. Patting him on the shoulder, he said, "Yeah, and thanks for returning it. I thought it was a goner after Momitchi threw it out the window…"

"…MOMITCHI!!"

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**Hehe… You know, had Kyo not been in a daze, Momitchi would have been in trouble. Well, I hope you enjoyed it! I was sort of in a daze myself, so it probably isn't as funny as it could have been, but… please leave a review? (puppy dog pout with big blue eyes) See you next time!**


	15. Yuki

**Kon'nichiwa, reviewers! I'm sad to say that this is the last chapter with a Sohma. If you look at the chapters, then you'll know whose chapter this is. But… I'll say it later, anyways, because I just wouldn't be able to stand it if I couldn't… Well, I would like to thank those of you that have reviewed so far, and those of you who have at least kept reading my story!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Furuba. I would like to say that I do, but on the other hand, I like my freedom…**

**The victim is Yuki Sohma! I hope all you Yuki fans enjoy this! Oh, and the only spoiler that you MIGHT need to know is that Yuki ends up with Machi.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Yuki came home very annoyed. They had gotten absolutely nothing productive done during the student counsel meeting. Machi got angry at something that Kakeru had said and ended up making another mess, and Nao was screaming to get back to work. Kimi was just acting like her usual self- enough said.

He plopped down in front of the television set and sighed. Wasn't it possible to have one successful meeting? And, why couldn't Machi take a joke!? _Then again, _Yuki thought to himself, _I often want to kill Manabe, too… _

He heard the phone ring. Kyo and Tohru were out, and he didn't guess that Shigure would get it, so he got up and answered it himself.

"Hello? This is Yuki Sohma. Who is calling?"

"Hi there, darling!" said a woman with a terrible British accent. "We have a wonderful offer to make you! I work for the Inner Beauty Makeup Company. We heard about your great looks, and were wondering if you would like to come down and be a model! We'll sell you some great makeup!"

Yuki's eye started to twitch. "You want a male model for a makeup company? No offense, but that makes absolutely no sense. And where did you get my phone number!?"

"…Uh… That isn't important right now! So, will you accept the job?"

"What do I need with makeup!? I'm a _boy_!"

"Oh, well, I thought that you looked a little flat-chested in the picture, but don't be so hard on yourself about it! A lot of women are like that! We'll just give you an inflatable bra!"

Yuki forgot how to breathe.

"Ma'am! I am a boy! I am not a girl!"

"With a face like yours? I won't believe that for a minute! And even if you were one, why not just fake being a female for the photo shoot?" She gave a shrill laugh.

"I refuse to act like a transvestite! What is your problem?!" The ever-so-calm Yuki was beginning to lose his temper. "I can't help how I look, but-"

"Sure you can! Our makeup can make even the ugliest girl gorgeous! A girl like you should have no problem looking like a top model!"

"That is _not_ what I meant!"

"So, do you want to be a model, or not!? How many young ladies would pass up an opportunity like this? You have the chance to become a world famous model!"

"…" Yuki sighed. "I am a male, not a female. How many times do I have to say this!?"

"Well, if you were able to prove this, then maybe-"

BEEP!

Yuki slammed down the phone. Shigure walked out of his room after he heard some loud crashing sounds coming from the kitchen.

Seeing Yuki about to leave, he asked, "What is it? Where are you going?"

Yuki growled, "I'm going to go get a buzz cut!"

Shigure snickered, "Hey, if you get that and a tattoo you could pass to look like Brittany Spears!"

Yuki just ignored him. He was a man on a mission, now.

As soon as he was about to open the door, Kyo had opened it from the out side. He had groceries slung over his shoulder, and didn't notice his cousin standing in front of him. He turned around to say something to Tohru when he heard a loud thud.

Kyo turned and saw Yuki KO'd on the floor. "What happened to him?"

Shigure laughed. "You hit him with the grocery bags."

Kyo gave a pouty look. "You mean to tell me that I can only beat him when I don't want to? Sheesh, that's stupid."

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**I just couldn't resist making fun of Yuki like that! But, now I just have one more chapter to go… I hope that you all will enjoy it! Thank you for reading this far! Please review.**


	16. Tohru! Final chapter!

**I can't believe that I am already typing the last chapter!! Well, first off, I would like to thank all the reviewers, and here they are:**

_**Ichigo-2007:**_ **She's my best friend from school and has read all my stories! She has posted quite a few, herself! Check her out sometime!**

_**The Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma:**_** As I stated in the last chapter, she helped me with my boyfriend situation, and she posts some really great reviews!**

_**PotoPerson: **_**Your reviews really cheered me up! Thank you very much for reading my story! I enjoyed answering yours. Also, I love the pen name!**

_**Kisa44: **_**I really appreciated the help that she had posted, too! There were just so many other factors included in our relationship. She left a nice review, also!**

_**Vaxl: **_**Vaxl either didn't review this before, or found it late in the game. But whatever the case, the reviews gave me a good laugh! I really liked reading them. **

_**TaraSohma: **_**She left great reviews, and has just posted her first fanfiction along with the help of Sohma Kira. I suggest that some of you read it. She's well on her way to becoming a great author!**

_**Pheonixral: **_**These reviews cheered me up as well! That's right, "Burn, Rin, burn!" Thank you for being a great reviewer!**

_**Soda's Girl: **_**The "update soon!" girl. Lol. Thank you for being such a great reviewer. She suggested that I make another Hatori one, and that does give me an idea, actually… Maybe I could make a sequel for the other Fruits Basket characters!**

_**Ekaki:**_** I felt very sorry for Hatori after writing that chapter, but we all have our off-days, right? Lol. Whenever I read your pen name, I think of electricity…**

_**Gem Of the Stars: **_**I would like to hear your evil laughter. I love laughing evilly. Heh. Well, I liked your reviews! I hope your still reading this!**

_**Adri123101:**_** Eh… Your name took me a teensy while to write down. Lol. Where'd you come up with it? Well, thank you for your reviews!**

_**Ine-Sama: **_**Ine only reviewed the first chapter, but the review made me laugh. "H****Eh heh this was funny. Isn't it scary when old people try to act young by wearing skimpy clothes?! shiver" Yeah, scares me, too!**

**Well, that's all of them! I really do appreciate you all!**

**Disclaimer: Since this is the last chapter, Why not do something fun for the disclaimer?**

**Hyper Rabbit: It's probably good that this is over. Too many brains have been fried while reading this.**

**Yoshe: Yeah, well you'd better watch it. I've been having some bad luck lately, and I sure could use a lucky rabbit's foot. **

**Hyper Rabbit: I love your story, Yori! Hehehehe!**

**Yori: Whatever, doofus. Say the disclaimer before Yoshe's fantasy becomes a reality!**

**Hyper Rabbit: …Yori doesn't own Furuba… But if that is the case, then why doesn't she tell you that herself?!**

**Yori: I created you to be the one that's always being made fun of! That's why! Anyways, enjoy the story! The victim is Tohru!**

**Yoshe: Yeah, dumb, ditzy Tohru Honda.**

**Yori: Yeah, that one.**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

Tohru waltzed through the house, humming merrily to herself. Today was just perfect in her mind; there was nothing bad happening!

Then the phone rang. What could have been worse!?

She had been told that people were calling the Sohma's, and that they were attempting to sell them things that they _really _didn't want to buy, and then they gave them a hard time about it. But she ignored what she had been told and picked up the phone.

Poor, stupid Tohru.

"Moshi moshi?"

"Hello, I am looking for Yuki Sohma. I am Motoko Minagawa of the Prince Yuki Fan Club at Kaibara High. Who is this?" she snapped, hearing the _female _voice.

Tohru didn't know what to say. She would be killed if they knew that she was living in Yuki's house. "I- um… I'm the maid…"

Kyo walked into the livingroom. "Tohru, where are you?"

"Eep!"

Motoko gasped. "Tohru!? Is that who you are?! What kind of trick are you trying to pull, saying, "I'm the maid"? Do I really sound that dumb?"

"I- my name is Tohru, but I assure you, I am the maid, and I don't go to your school. Um… I'm only the maid here, and I have no connection to Yuki other than that!"

"Really, then how do you know that's why I'm asking, hmm?"

"Tohru!" Kyo yelled out again.

"Eh… I'll be right back." She set the phone down and went into the livingroom. "Kyo-Kun, I have a big problem! Motoko Minagawa is calling! And now she knows it's me; I tried to tell her otherwise, but I don't think that it's working…"

"…Is that because I yelled your name out?"

Tohru nodded. "Yes, actually, it is…"

Kyo stamped his foot. "Well, while I think of something, you go back and talk to her. Try to change the subject without seeming suspicious. Ask her what she called for and take a message."

Tohru nodded. "O-okay!"

She scampered out of the room, and he was left pacing. A couple minutes later she came back into the room and yelled, "I tried to change the subject, but now Motoko and Minami are coming over! What am I going to do, Kyo-Kun?!

He bit his lip. What were they supposed to do? "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I was the maid here. She started to believe me, but then you yelled out my name!"

"…Sorry…"

"Oh, I don't blame you, but I need to hide!" she screeched. She started scurrying around the livingroom, trying to come up with ideas. It didn't seem to be helping, though.

"Wait, Tohru, I got it!" Kyo said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the house. "We just need to make you look different- like a maid!"

"So, I have to dress up like a maid? I get that, but, how are you going to make me look like someone else?" she asked. None of this made sense.

"Well, we need to hurry. We'll worry about that at Ayame's shop!" He hated to have to go there, but Tohru's reputation was at stake. He would have to make an exception just this once. "Maybe you can borrow one of Mine's outfits…"

"Okay…"

When they reached Ayame's shop Kyo barged right in and saw Ayame standing at his mirror, singing, "Your so vain, you…" he turned and saw Kyo standing in the doorway with an out-of-breath Tohru behind him.

"What do you two want?" he smiled. "I shall wave my long slender arms and-"

Kyo grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Shut up, doofus. All we need is for you to disguise Tohru and make her look like a maid. She's about to get in trouble by some of Yuki's fan club members."

"Well, you don't have to be so violent about it…" Ayame murmured. "I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mess up my favorite outfit. Mine! Can you come in here, please?"

Tohru was shaking. What if she was really found out? She would be in so much trouble… Even with Hana and Uo there to help her, there was a chance that she would still end up getting hurt.

"What's the problem, boss?" Mine walked into the room.

"The fans of Yuki are trying to kill Tohru and she needs a disguise. Can you help her, Mine?" Ayame guffawed. He stepped away from Kyo and Tohru, and Mine pulled her frantically away from the now worried Kyo.

"Don't kill her, Mine." Kyo ordered.

"Ohoho! Of course I won't!" She said, pulling the crying Tohru behind the infamous blue curtain. "She's going to look very much different, I assure you, Kyo!"

"Yeah… Sure…"

"Well, what color, Tohru?" Mine asked her, once they were behind the curtain. She had that scary gleam in her eyes again. "I think that if we're going to disguise you, then we should use a color that's unusual for you… How about green?"

Tohru nodded. "Yeah, that'll do. Is there any way that you could change my hair to make me look different, too?"

Mine laughed. "That, and I have color contacts. I have some green ones that I haven't used. You can have them if you like."

Tohru clasped her hands in joy. "Oh, that will be great! Thank you!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

There was a knock at the front door. Yuki was sitting in the kitchen and decided to answer it. He hoped that it wasn't the modeling agency. When he opened the door and saw his fans standing there, he was more than surprised.

"Er…"

They both blushed at the site of their beloved prince. "Pardon out intrusion, Yuki, but…" Motoko whispered. "We were invited by your maid. You don't mind, do you?" she chuckled flirtatiously. Minami rolled her eyes in jealousy.

_Maid? Please tell me they don't mean Tohru… _He smiled. "Er, yes, please come in. Our maid and Kyo just went out. They should be back shortly." He had no idea what was going on, but he guessed that Tohru might be in trouble, so he played along with the little scheme.

"So, how did this little invite come about?" Yuki asked.

"Oh, hehe." Minami flushed. "You see-"

"I called to ask you something, and she picked up the phone. She wanted to meet us; she really seems desperate to make a friend, you know." Motoko cut her off to tell a lie. "Does she go out often?"

"Yes, we don't keep her cooped up." He kept a plastered smile on his face. He was really thinking, _For people who are obsessed with me, they really seem to think I'm an idiot. Who would really believe a story like that? They probably got suspicious and forced Tohru to invite them._

He stood up. "I'll admit, our maid does enjoy making friends." _Why!?_

"Uh, where are you going, Yuki?" Minami inquired.

"Huh? Oh, I just need to make a phone call really quick. There's something that I need to tell the maid."

They nodded and he left to go to the phone. He dialed Kyo's cell phone number and waited for it to ring. Kyo picked it up on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Where are you and "the maid"? The fan club girls are already here!" Yuki said in hushed tones. Yuki wanted answers very badly. "Why did you two invite them, out of curiosity?"

Kyo sighed. "She answered the phone, and she had come up with a pretty good alibi, saying that she was the maid, and then I shouted her name because I was looking for her, and now, we have guests… That's pretty much it. We're at Ayame's shop right now, trying to find Tohru a disguise."

"I wouldn't wish ya'lls fate upon anyone. You poor people." Yuki joked.

"Shut up." Kyo snapped. "Stall the fan club girls! We'll be back before too long." With that, Kyo hung up the phone, and after Yuki heard a snap, he quickly turned to his side.

There, he saw his two fans giggling with a camera in their hands. "Sorry, we just had to get a picture while we were here…" They gave more flirtatious smiles.

Yuki tried his best not to grimace. "That's… alright…" He walked towards the kitchen door. "Let's go back in here. So, Motoko. You said that you had some questions for me? What did you want to ask?" _As if I really need to know…_

"Oh, that!" Motoko grinned, and then her face turned gravely serious. "Is it true that you are now dating Machi Kuragi?"

"…Eh… Well, yes, I won't lie. But, I really would like it if you wouldn't bother her… She does have some anger issues, and I would hate to see anyone get hurt." He soothed. "So… Would you two like something to drink?"

"Eh-"

The door opened again, and Kyo stepped in. "We're back from our shopping." Kyo snickered. "We bought that makeup you wanted, Yuki."

"You're joking, aren't you? I would hate to have to beat your abnormally large butt in front of these two girls." Yuki seethed. "These Two Girls" wondered why Yuki was so different towards his cousin. This was a side of their prince that they had never seen before!

Kyo grumbled angrily. "Of course I was kidding, stupid. Tohru has the rest of the groceries."

Tohru walked in as if on cue, and boy, did she look different. Her eyes were green, her hair was a shiny jet-black, and she was wearing a green, lacy maid's dress. "Oh, I see that everyone is here! That's great. I bought some snacks…"

As she went to pull the groceries out of the bag, Minami and Motoko started to feel a little guilty, but the suspicion was still there. "So, your name is Tohru, right? What's your last name? I'm sure that we're all curious about this…"

"Oh, my name is Tohru Sohma… I'm closely related to Kyo and Yuki." she lied.

"…You're a Sohma? Oh… Who would've thought…? We're very sorry. It's just- we could've sworn that you were this girl from our school…" Motoko apologized.

"Oh, that's alright…" This was very out of character for Tohru, but she just wanted to try a prank… "Besides being a maid, you know, I'm also a very successful telemarketer. I sell loads of maid's outfits."

"Really, now…?" Minami grimaced.

"Yes! I've sold a lot!"

Yuki and Kyo had blank looks in their eyes, but they were both thinking, _what is she thinking…?_

Tohru had a good idea as to how to get them out of the house. _If I'm going to pretend to be someone else, then I definitely need to act differently… Mine, I hope that your advice works… _"Hehe…" She got an evil gleam in her eyes. "I would love it if you would try some on! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!" she started wiggling her fingers, reaching out to catch the fan club girls. "Come try one on."

They all stared at her in horror- especially Kyo. _My girlfriend has turned psycho! _

Motoko thought quickly to come up with an excuse as to why they couldn't do it. "Well, we would like to do it, but… we've overstayed our welcome… So… later, everyone!" She said shrilly.

They bolted out of the house. If they were ever scared of anyone besides Hanajima, this crazy Tohru duplicate was that person.

Kyo shook his head. "You can't seriously tell me that worked… Tohru…"

"Yes!?" She still had that wild look in her eyes, and he was now scared out of his wits. He gave a scared shriek, and she quickly apologized. "Mine told me to act that like to scare them. Sorry…"

Kyo sighed. "That's alright… Just… Don't scare me like that anymore, PLEASE."

She laughed. "**Tohru Honda: **_**Maid**_** by day, **_**telemarketer from hell**_** by night!"**

**O.o-YoriandKagra-o.O-O.o-SelinaandPookie-o.O-O.oAyaandZerph-o.O-O.o-YosheandYukio-o.O**

**I enjoyed writing this very much, and I really hope that you all liked reading it! Well, that's the end, but if you all liked this, and you want me to write a sequel using Hana, Uo, and the student council, then please leave a review saying so! Even if you haven't reviewed in the past, I want more people to review if they want me to continue! Also, I will be adding a Brittany S. joke into Yuki's chapter, so keep a lookout for that, kay? I will do that the next chance that I have to get on the computer, which will probably be tomorrow. Please review, and goodbye for now! Oh, and if you like horror, my newest fanfiction is **_**Bewitchment. **_**It's KyoxTohru. I think that I mentioned it in an earlier chapter. For real this time, Sayonara!**

**-Yori Hayashi **


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